Back to blogging...sort of

Taking another extended hiatus from blogging...don't know if or when I'll be back.

later

i'm feeling a tad exposed, so it's time to relocate.

kepa,cmae - i'll let you know where to find me

and if you were just lurking along, i hope you can find your way to me again

Cookies...the other side of the story

A few weeks ago, I committed to make cookies for a meeting.

Fortunately, this is not one of my trigger foods.

All is well.

Smokin' Hot Red Dress Challenge

The Smokin' Hot Red Dress Challenge begins today. I kicked it off with a 2.27 mile walk. No, I'm not so anal that I decided 2.27 miles....I went for a walk and then measured it on www.mapmyrun.com. Yesterday, before I decided to do the challenge I went for a 4.95 mile walk. Since I have access to exercise videos thanks to On Demand Cable -I'm going to some ab work this evening.

In general, the plan is to make use of the exercise videos in the morning, do kickboxing twice during the week and get in a good walk on the weekend. I'll still be Beaching it for a food plan...phase 1.5 (not quite as hardcore as phase 1, but not quite as unrestricted as phase 2).

So, here are the starting pics.

My sister is doing the Fabulous Skirt Challenge. As I may have mentioned before, she too is on a path to create a fitter, leaner stronger body. Right now, her Fabulous Skirt fits over her hips, but she can't fasten it. She kicked today off with an ab workout followed by a 4 mile walk with her family. She found a website that has lots of exercise videos...so that will allow her to work out while the NMF are watching PBS kids. Since she's not very fond of posting pics on the web, you'll have to imagine her progress.

Smokin' Red Dress

Glam, over at See Glam Diet has issued a challenge.

Little background - Glam is dieting/exercising to lose weight, but she doens't weigh herself. Instead, she uses pieces of clothing as inspiration.

She's issued a friendly challenge to her readers - post a picture of yourself in a bikini on May 8th. Spend the next 9 weeks working on your body and show the results in a bikini on May 8th - even if you don't have your "perfect" body. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to do that - but I am going to join her in the 4 week challenge.

I have a smoking hot red dress from Kiyonna that is begging to see the light of day. So for the next 4 weeks, I'm going to work on getting into that dress. I'll post the before pictures later tonight or sometime tomorrow.

Oh yeah, since Glam doesn't weigh - I'm not gong to weigh for the 4 week period.

Update: My sister has decided to join me in the 4 week challenge!

Cookie time

It's that time of the year. Girl Scout Cookies.

Thin Mints, Samoas, Do-Si-Dos, Tagalongs......[insert Homer Simpson drool sound here]

Instead of taking them home and OD'ing on them in front of the TV, I opened the packages at work and shared with my coworkers.

For those of you who don't know, Girl Scout Cookies are supremely awesome:

Thin Mints - chocolate mint wafers covered in chocolate

Samoas - shortbread cookies that have been dipped in chocolate (botom only) and topped with caramel and toasted coconut then drizzled in chocolate

Do-Si-Dos - crunchy sandwich cookies of oatmeal (cookie) and peanut butter (filling)

Tagalongs - shortbread cookie topped with a dollop of peanut butter and the entire thing is dipped in chocolate

Every year, for a limited time, the Girl Scouts raise money by selling boxes of cookies. It's a nostalgic treat that I look forward to every year. I sold them from 1981 - 1986 and still support the cause. But this year, I don't get so much joy out of eating a lot of Girl Scout cookies. So I share them with others.

bygones

this week has been pretty craptastic from an eating/working out/health perspective.

a stressful even occurred on tuesday...and i didn't eat.

wednesday was a different kind of stress...and i ate the wrong things, including some pork chops that were beginning to turn.

thursday morning found me glued to the throne with a crampy rumbly tummy...so eating that day was way off of the mark

friday was a long and stressful and full of meetings/appointments, so I ate what was around

and home hasn't been much better.

so it's the end of the week and i've eaten so many things that were not on my plan that my body started to rebel. yeah, and it didn't help that i didn't drink enough water.

But this week is over...and I'm looking forward to a better one next week.

still on the beach

It's week 3 and things are starting to settle down. In week 1, I posted a major weight loss...but I was also hungry and slightly lethargic. Week 2 was interesting...lots of stuff that wasn't on the food list, but in lesser quantities than before...plus the attempt at exercise was half successful.

This week the goal is to balance exercise and eating enough. Oh yeah, and to drink enough water too.

Kickbox this!

On my way home from work I had the chance to converse with NMF#1. I called my sister's cell, expecting to hear my sister's voice, but instead NMF#1 answers (BTW, I love when that happens...it's always a bright spot in my day). One thing led to another and I told her I was going to kickboxing tonight.

NMF #1 (in the "Oh my goodness" voice that only 6 year olds can pull off):"Kickboxing?"
Me:"Yes"
NMF # :"You're going kickboxing?"
Me: "Yep, it's like tae-bo except I get to hit and kick stuff"
NMF #1: "Cool."

And it was...for about half of the class. No kickboxing classes for a week took it's toll about half-way through. Actually, that's probably not it because when I started kickboxing - I was for all intents and purposes a couch potato. I think that the problem was that I wasn't well fed or hydrated prior to class. I'm not talking a 5-course meal, but I probably needed more than a gulp of water and an ounce of protein over an hour before classs. Usually, I have a semi-substantial snack 30 minutes before class. Next time I'll be more prepared.

That being said...for the 30 minutes I was there were awesome. My strikes were lethal and, for the first time, I got down the front kicks sans injury. I had no idea that I had all of that power in my limbs. The bag kept flying. Trust me, it was a good thing that it was attached to the floor and ceilings with chains!

Looking forward to going back and finishing the class!

How not to be fat

Yeah, that's something that I have to learn. I've been "fat" for as long as I can remember. Truth be told, I wasn't fat when I was young...I was a healthy weight for a tall girl. However, my world view was based on underweight short girls. And by 13, I decided that that's what I was - fat forever.

I remember going shopping with my mother and she picked something up a large- which would have fit me. And I started crying about how small it was and how I was too fat to fit into it. And when I was about the same age, I went to Speigel's and tried on some clothes - size 22W (I was a 16 Misses). I laughed as I put them on and said "Yeah, this will be my size when I grow up".

I guess that explains why the second week of successful diets are the hardest. It's not the fight against the diet. It's the fight against the "fat forever"...and the fight against "fat forever" leads to a not pretty place.

Fortunately, I have to get through this to get through this. Meaning that I have to look that little 13 year old square in the eye and give her a big hug and send her to a happy place. No more fat forever. Yes, I know that will leave a gaping hole in my identity...but now I'll be able to fill it with the kind of person that I've always imagined myself to be.

Phase 1

Phase 1 hasn't been as tough as I thought it would....although this morning I craved a yeasty fresh hot pastry /breakfast bread. By the time I got to my car, I was over it. However, in a most random turn of events, there was a bun on the ground by my car. I kicked it out of the way and kept on stepping.

The biggest challenge is keeping hydrated at work. I was doing fine until Wednesday...then things got really busy and I didn't get up and refill the water bottle. One of the upsides - I'm eating so many more veggies now. Everyday I have at least 2 huge salads. And for breakfast I also have veggies. This morning was broccoli (with textured vegetable protein, salsa and low fat cheese). Speaking of breakfast, that has been the biggest adjustment. Eggs and canadian bacon got real old real quickly. But I did like the broccoli with TVP, boca burger with grilled peppers and veggie sausage with grilled veggies.

Some changes for next week:
1) explore the wonderful world of eggplant this week.
Some ideas:
- Grilled eggplant pizzas (instead of crust, grilled eggplant is the base) with broccoli, chicken, tomato sauce, low fat cheese
- Roasted eggplant salad: roasted eggplant, roasted red peppers, chickpeas, some kind of protein, tomato, cucumber, basalmic vinegar, olive oil

2) make a ricotta cheesecake...the last attempt was ...interesting

3)veggie snacks with white bean dip

4) 2 bottles to work

5) continue to have fun with it

Exercise? Not so much on that front. I'm trying for 2 kickboxing classes in the next week. Realized today that I need to get new sneakers. My current pair are worn down unevenly and that causes stress/pain to my joints and back.

on a different road

I've decided not to go back to WW @ Work. I was doing the core plan. After some research, I found that for all intents and purposes, the core plan is phase 2 of South Beach. Plus, I can't buy into that "Weight Watcher's is not a diet". It is a diet. Don't believe the hype.

Then I did a cost comparison. I could pay the WW fee or I could pick up a scale and a South Beach food guide for about 20% of the WW fee.

Now, the WW people would be quick to tell me "People who try to lose weight on their own fail. You need the support." Fortunately I have found some great cheerleaders in cmae and Kepa. Plus Mommy is uber supportive. When I told her about the SB plan, she started rattling off all of these ideas for meals. My sister is the same. Right here with me in JC, I have a coworker who bit the bullet and did SB to lose 50 lbs. She's a really good support. And I have been blessed with really good friends who are behind me even when I can't get behind myself.

So, I picked up a South Beach food guide and have started on that journey. I also picked up a scale. Yeah, I know I kicked the scale to the curb. However, this one is weight only - today I weighed in at 316.2 lbs. My focus in this stage is to move the needle.

Phase I of South Beach is the no carbs/fruits phase...lots of veggies and lean protein. So far, so good. I don't know if I'll be doing kickboxing this week - my body will be in enough shock not having carbs or fruits. But the good thing is that Phase I is only 2 weeks long. :)

There are a lot of things I like about SB. One is that I have to start cooking again. For example, I attempted to make a sugar free chocolate cheesecake last night. Not something I would necessarily share with people, but it served it's purpose. Next time, I'm going to find a recipe first. I'm looking forward to making a lemon ricotta cheesecake in a pistachio crust...or a mocha cheesecake in a hazelnut crust.

Back to cooking, I whipped out the mojo and made another crockpot meal:

Cabbage and Pork

1 small head cabbage, chopped
1/2 med red onion
1 lb boneless pork loin chops, trimmed of visible fat, cubed and marinated in mojo criollo for at least 30 minutes
1-2 cloves fresh garlic
1 very small hand ginger, peeled
1.5 cups mojo criollo
black pepper, to taste
chipotle chili powder, to taste

2 cans black beans, drained

1. Smash the garlic cloves and the ginger
2. Add all ingredients , except the black beans, to the slow cooker
3. When the cabbage is just tender, add the black beans
4. Cook until cabbage is really tender

Multi-tasking

I did make it to kickboxing. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Then there was an informal weigh-in for Weight Watchers @ Work. After two weeks of kickboxing and not eating meat - I have gained back the 3 lbs I lost plus 5 more. Which puts me at an all time weight high....ever.

So, not only do I have to exercise. I also have to keep track of what I eat, make sure I drink enough water and get back to getting enough sleep.

All parts of the puzzle.

On the upside, after I weighed in, I didn't get upset. I just said "Meh" and returned back to working.

So here's my dilemma:
1) I don't see the weight gain as a soul crushing end of the world oh my gosh I'm such a loser kind of thing. Granted, I'm not particularly pleased to be going up...but it's not the end of the world, it's just a sign that I need to make a course correction. have with a weight gain.
The WW at W folk don't react the same way as I do...when you lose weight, there's a great suport...when you gain weight, there's still support, but there's also a shame factor. On one hand, they were a good support when I went through the rough patch...on the other hand, I don't know if I want to go through it for 18 weeks. I have the basics down for the program. Plus, I could reapply the fee towards a smokin' new wardrobe.

2) I'm not sure that my work schedule will allow me to attend the 12 out of 18 meetings needed to get the 50% rebate from the company. Which means that each session that I attend will be EXPENSIVE. I can think of better ways to spend the money.

What to do? What to do? I have until next week to decide.

Sticking to the plan

I really like kickboxing - which is why I am making a way in my schedule to go twice this week. I was supposed to go tonight...but then got called into a late meeting and then traffic. But I did get home in time (theoretically), but by the time I ate dinner it was 5 minutes until the class. Yeah, I live 15 minutes away from class.

So I'm putting a meeting in my schedule for Wednesday...a placeholder so that I can leave in time for kickboxing. The second kickboxing class will be on Saturday. I want to get to 2 weekday classes and a weekend class...but as Kepa so wisely reminded me - little steps.

Still doing the no meat/minimal dairy thing. Not only do I feel good, but my skin is clearer and I am getting more veggies/fruit/fiber. One watchout - I need to make sure that I eat enough to keep me sustained during the day. Since I haven't gone to kickboxing in the past few days, I haven't been as vigilant with making sure that I get enough of the right stuff.

Weight Watchers @ Work starts again next week. This time it's an 18 week program. Once again, if I attend 12 of the 18 meetings - the company will reimburse half of the fee. As the program is a good chunk of change, this is definitely an incentive. Of course, I need to make sure that I can attend 12 of the 18 meetings. See, my purpose at work is to actually work, so if I have meetings scheduled already, can't go to the meeting. On the other hand, I could attend "regular" meetings for the ones I miss and I would still get reimbursed.

I'll be honest, it is work. But it's worth it...because I'm worth it. The hardest part now is not the eating or the exercising, it's overcoming the hurdles that I put in place years ago. For example, now that I'm eating in a way that my body responds to positively - the "eat crap cuz you'll always be fat" reaction has been triggered. Last night I dug into a tub of ginger snaps from TJ's. Even when they made me nauseous, I continued to eat them. So I threw them out. The same thing happened with some Hint of Lime Tostitos.

Before, I would have just eaten all of the stuff and then felt bad - which would have led to more random eating. The exercise definitely quells some of that crap because I can work it out with the heavy bag. But I think that the biggest change for me has been spiritual. Definitely a lot more prayer and reflection. I also see/understand my worth. Plus it feels really good after a workout.

the week that was

yes, i know it's been a minute.

things on this end have been busy. i did make it to kickboxing twice (happy) and made healthy choices (happy).work was good but long and draining this week. i wanted to go kickboxing for a third time...but was beyond fatigued wednesday and worked late on thursday. pasa lo que pasa.


but more importantly i definitely feel better...even though i am really tired. went to the doctor about a week ago because the icky was back with a vengance. turns out it was a raging case of sinusitis. in addition to the meds, i temporarily went back to no meat, minimimal dairy and sugar. back in the day, when i was a vegetarian due to disordered eating. even though i was constantly tired, my skin was blech, and i was suffered injuries from overuse - i don't ever remember having lots of colds.

now that i'm in a better place with food, temporarily cutting out stuff to see if it helps my allergies/sinuses is not a dangerous proposition. for example - i went to a meeting and lunch was provided. sandwiches and a tossed salad. sandwich options - grilled chicken, tuna salad, curry chicken, turkey/cheese, ham/cheese, tomato/basil/mozarrella. and the salad was mixed greens, red grapes, pistachios, bleu cheese and vinaigrette. before, i would have complained out loud and made a big stink about what i don't eat. this time around - choose the tomato/basil/mozarrella sandwich, some salad and even had a brownie and small bag of potato chips (over the small bag of baby carrots). It was yummy and I didn't feel "guilty" or "bad", nor did I feel like I HAD to go to kickboxing to work it off.

bye-bye dry

99% fat free ground turkey - very good

dry turkey patties - very bad

so what's a chick to do?

she scopes the net and finds a solution.

add approx. 1/2 cup chicken broth for every pound of 99% fat free ground turkey
mix it up (along with any spices) and let sit for at least 30 minutes
use as you normally would

results - moist flavorful ground turkey that doesn't dry out

WW@work

-3 lbs
+
Not sore from kickboxing
_________________

back on track

yeah...

a few hours ago i went to kickboxing.

i came home. took an epsom salt bath, ate a high protein meal, took in some potassium (soymilk), took some ibuprofen (pre-emptive strike). and then i sat down on the couch.

that was 2 hours ago. at this point, i could probably fall asleep in this position. even my teeth are tired. however, i think i can muster up enough energy to put on my PJs, blow out the candles and fall into my bed.

but you know what? it's totally worth it.

one foot in front of the other

went to the "gym" today. it was. not good, not bad...but it had two cool elliptical trainers and some decent bikes, a nice set of free weights and an okay cybex set.

going to check something out by the house tomorrow night.

serenity now

yeah, so the last weigh in was rough.

i was up 3 lbs.

but that's not the rough part. the rough part was i knew i was gaining weight as it was happening. no exercise. lots of high fat stuff like donuts and rice and peas. not enough water. lots of salt in the pre-made stuff...and quite a few french fries. stopped counting points.

i broke down and cried at the ww meeting. i felt so bad about not doing what i needed to do PLUS i knew that i had gained weight. but like i said earlier, the group is full of cool chicks. people were there to support me...in a real way.

but on the good side - the big rush project at work is completed. i am now in my apartment and things are being unpacked. i still don't have a working stove/oven. the gas company has to come out and turn on the gas and i don't know when i can take off work again to be here. i'm thinking that i'll be able to do it in about a week.

however, i do have a microwave and a fridge and a blender. so there are some things i can start doing. i like to think of it as the "detox" phase (lol) - lots of salad, veggies, fruit, cereal and yogurt for the next week or so. I do have some lean chicken and cold cuts from TJ.

and i have an exercise buddy. there's a "gym" across the street from our job. i say "gym" because i haven't seen it yet and the people i know who work out there tell me i should set my expectations low. we'll see. i'm going to check it out next week. on the plus side, the job pays half of the fee if i attend at least 3 times a month.

i still want to find some place to go around my house. i really like working out at a gym. HOWEVER, since this is a year of change, maybe i should look at what i can do in my house. something different from the usual routine. i'm not yet fit enough to keep up with tae bo...but i can do 15 minutes of walking in place and add some calisthenics to the mix. the workout goal for this week is to get in at least 90 minutes (combined cardio and strength).

i know that i can do this. not just because i want it, but because i know that i'm not alone. i've been reading some other weight loss blogs and there are others who are going through this...newbies and people who have lost significant amounts of weight. for me, that takes a lot of the pressure off...i don't feel so alone and like i'm an utter failure at this change thing. i'm breaking some unhealthy habits and replacing them with healthier habits. it doesn't happen overnight, so i gotta keep moving on one step at a time.

WW @ Work

Deep breath. I know that I am more than those three numbers on the scale but goodness gracious. I was slowly creeping up to my alltime high.

But that is over...I am now on a path towards a healthier and fitter me.

I decided to go with the flex plan - the one where you count the points for EVERYTHING that goes in your mouth. I really need to be more aware of what I am eating as I have been on autopilot for so long with food. Last night, I was able to identify when I was eating just because I was stressing about something and when I was eating because I was hungry. I was also more aware of my hunger. Quelle suprise to find out that I don't have to eat the whole can of gumbo to fill satisfied.

The group is really cool and very supportive.

Now it's about working in the exercise. Now that I have a permanent apartment , I can start looking around for a gym or workout place. There's kickboxing not too far from me. That would definitely be a jump start to my routine. :)

I've already found a capoeira class, I just need to bring the fitness up to speed so I can start taking it. I need to find out when the spring season of soccer starts.

New beginnings...

Tomorrow is my first WW meeting. I was kind of anxious at first, but then I saw the list of women who are doing the program (the leader sent out a group invite).

There are some really cool women. In addition to Sara (we work in the same group) some of the other fun, interesting, down-to-earth women that I've met at work are also in WW. So awesome.

Plus, I found out that there's a gym across the street from my job. The fee is $40/month, but the job refunds 1/2 if you go 3 times in a month. Elizabeth, another woman in my group (not in WW) currently goes. My buddy Denise (also in my group) and I are going to check it out tomorrow. If it's decent, we've committed to going to the gym together after work at least once a week.

This job has been a blessing in so many ways.

On another note, I'm watching this interesting documentary on BBC America called "Super Skinny Me". In a nutshell, 2 thin women go on extreme diets for 5 weeks to get to size 4(UK) - jeans. Both start at a 12(UK) and is absolutely appalled at how thin she is getting...the other woman literally loses her mind and falls prey to bulimia nervosa. The former experiences weakness and her body rebels through rashes...the latter pushes herself beyond the brink She looks and acts unhealthy. The one with the better body image at the start of the experiment welcomes the end of the experiment and looks forward to going back to her more healthy size 10/12 jeans. Interestingly, the one with the healthy view got to her goal and the other one got pulled from the experiment for fears about what it was doing to her mental health.

On the eve of going back to WW, this was a really good show for me to see. A reminder to be healthy and keep my head about me. I've been in the place of the second chick and that's not a pretty place.