bygones

this week has been pretty craptastic from an eating/working out/health perspective.

a stressful even occurred on tuesday...and i didn't eat.

wednesday was a different kind of stress...and i ate the wrong things, including some pork chops that were beginning to turn.

thursday morning found me glued to the throne with a crampy rumbly tummy...so eating that day was way off of the mark

friday was a long and stressful and full of meetings/appointments, so I ate what was around

and home hasn't been much better.

so it's the end of the week and i've eaten so many things that were not on my plan that my body started to rebel. yeah, and it didn't help that i didn't drink enough water.

But this week is over...and I'm looking forward to a better one next week.

still on the beach

It's week 3 and things are starting to settle down. In week 1, I posted a major weight loss...but I was also hungry and slightly lethargic. Week 2 was interesting...lots of stuff that wasn't on the food list, but in lesser quantities than before...plus the attempt at exercise was half successful.

This week the goal is to balance exercise and eating enough. Oh yeah, and to drink enough water too.

Kickbox this!

On my way home from work I had the chance to converse with NMF#1. I called my sister's cell, expecting to hear my sister's voice, but instead NMF#1 answers (BTW, I love when that happens...it's always a bright spot in my day). One thing led to another and I told her I was going to kickboxing tonight.

NMF #1 (in the "Oh my goodness" voice that only 6 year olds can pull off):"Kickboxing?"
Me:"Yes"
NMF # :"You're going kickboxing?"
Me: "Yep, it's like tae-bo except I get to hit and kick stuff"
NMF #1: "Cool."

And it was...for about half of the class. No kickboxing classes for a week took it's toll about half-way through. Actually, that's probably not it because when I started kickboxing - I was for all intents and purposes a couch potato. I think that the problem was that I wasn't well fed or hydrated prior to class. I'm not talking a 5-course meal, but I probably needed more than a gulp of water and an ounce of protein over an hour before classs. Usually, I have a semi-substantial snack 30 minutes before class. Next time I'll be more prepared.

That being said...for the 30 minutes I was there were awesome. My strikes were lethal and, for the first time, I got down the front kicks sans injury. I had no idea that I had all of that power in my limbs. The bag kept flying. Trust me, it was a good thing that it was attached to the floor and ceilings with chains!

Looking forward to going back and finishing the class!

How not to be fat

Yeah, that's something that I have to learn. I've been "fat" for as long as I can remember. Truth be told, I wasn't fat when I was young...I was a healthy weight for a tall girl. However, my world view was based on underweight short girls. And by 13, I decided that that's what I was - fat forever.

I remember going shopping with my mother and she picked something up a large- which would have fit me. And I started crying about how small it was and how I was too fat to fit into it. And when I was about the same age, I went to Speigel's and tried on some clothes - size 22W (I was a 16 Misses). I laughed as I put them on and said "Yeah, this will be my size when I grow up".

I guess that explains why the second week of successful diets are the hardest. It's not the fight against the diet. It's the fight against the "fat forever"...and the fight against "fat forever" leads to a not pretty place.

Fortunately, I have to get through this to get through this. Meaning that I have to look that little 13 year old square in the eye and give her a big hug and send her to a happy place. No more fat forever. Yes, I know that will leave a gaping hole in my identity...but now I'll be able to fill it with the kind of person that I've always imagined myself to be.

Phase 1

Phase 1 hasn't been as tough as I thought it would....although this morning I craved a yeasty fresh hot pastry /breakfast bread. By the time I got to my car, I was over it. However, in a most random turn of events, there was a bun on the ground by my car. I kicked it out of the way and kept on stepping.

The biggest challenge is keeping hydrated at work. I was doing fine until Wednesday...then things got really busy and I didn't get up and refill the water bottle. One of the upsides - I'm eating so many more veggies now. Everyday I have at least 2 huge salads. And for breakfast I also have veggies. This morning was broccoli (with textured vegetable protein, salsa and low fat cheese). Speaking of breakfast, that has been the biggest adjustment. Eggs and canadian bacon got real old real quickly. But I did like the broccoli with TVP, boca burger with grilled peppers and veggie sausage with grilled veggies.

Some changes for next week:
1) explore the wonderful world of eggplant this week.
Some ideas:
- Grilled eggplant pizzas (instead of crust, grilled eggplant is the base) with broccoli, chicken, tomato sauce, low fat cheese
- Roasted eggplant salad: roasted eggplant, roasted red peppers, chickpeas, some kind of protein, tomato, cucumber, basalmic vinegar, olive oil

2) make a ricotta cheesecake...the last attempt was ...interesting

3)veggie snacks with white bean dip

4) 2 bottles to work

5) continue to have fun with it

Exercise? Not so much on that front. I'm trying for 2 kickboxing classes in the next week. Realized today that I need to get new sneakers. My current pair are worn down unevenly and that causes stress/pain to my joints and back.

on a different road

I've decided not to go back to WW @ Work. I was doing the core plan. After some research, I found that for all intents and purposes, the core plan is phase 2 of South Beach. Plus, I can't buy into that "Weight Watcher's is not a diet". It is a diet. Don't believe the hype.

Then I did a cost comparison. I could pay the WW fee or I could pick up a scale and a South Beach food guide for about 20% of the WW fee.

Now, the WW people would be quick to tell me "People who try to lose weight on their own fail. You need the support." Fortunately I have found some great cheerleaders in cmae and Kepa. Plus Mommy is uber supportive. When I told her about the SB plan, she started rattling off all of these ideas for meals. My sister is the same. Right here with me in JC, I have a coworker who bit the bullet and did SB to lose 50 lbs. She's a really good support. And I have been blessed with really good friends who are behind me even when I can't get behind myself.

So, I picked up a South Beach food guide and have started on that journey. I also picked up a scale. Yeah, I know I kicked the scale to the curb. However, this one is weight only - today I weighed in at 316.2 lbs. My focus in this stage is to move the needle.

Phase I of South Beach is the no carbs/fruits phase...lots of veggies and lean protein. So far, so good. I don't know if I'll be doing kickboxing this week - my body will be in enough shock not having carbs or fruits. But the good thing is that Phase I is only 2 weeks long. :)

There are a lot of things I like about SB. One is that I have to start cooking again. For example, I attempted to make a sugar free chocolate cheesecake last night. Not something I would necessarily share with people, but it served it's purpose. Next time, I'm going to find a recipe first. I'm looking forward to making a lemon ricotta cheesecake in a pistachio crust...or a mocha cheesecake in a hazelnut crust.

Back to cooking, I whipped out the mojo and made another crockpot meal:

Cabbage and Pork

1 small head cabbage, chopped
1/2 med red onion
1 lb boneless pork loin chops, trimmed of visible fat, cubed and marinated in mojo criollo for at least 30 minutes
1-2 cloves fresh garlic
1 very small hand ginger, peeled
1.5 cups mojo criollo
black pepper, to taste
chipotle chili powder, to taste

2 cans black beans, drained

1. Smash the garlic cloves and the ginger
2. Add all ingredients , except the black beans, to the slow cooker
3. When the cabbage is just tender, add the black beans
4. Cook until cabbage is really tender

Multi-tasking

I did make it to kickboxing. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Then there was an informal weigh-in for Weight Watchers @ Work. After two weeks of kickboxing and not eating meat - I have gained back the 3 lbs I lost plus 5 more. Which puts me at an all time weight high....ever.

So, not only do I have to exercise. I also have to keep track of what I eat, make sure I drink enough water and get back to getting enough sleep.

All parts of the puzzle.

On the upside, after I weighed in, I didn't get upset. I just said "Meh" and returned back to working.

So here's my dilemma:
1) I don't see the weight gain as a soul crushing end of the world oh my gosh I'm such a loser kind of thing. Granted, I'm not particularly pleased to be going up...but it's not the end of the world, it's just a sign that I need to make a course correction. have with a weight gain.
The WW at W folk don't react the same way as I do...when you lose weight, there's a great suport...when you gain weight, there's still support, but there's also a shame factor. On one hand, they were a good support when I went through the rough patch...on the other hand, I don't know if I want to go through it for 18 weeks. I have the basics down for the program. Plus, I could reapply the fee towards a smokin' new wardrobe.

2) I'm not sure that my work schedule will allow me to attend the 12 out of 18 meetings needed to get the 50% rebate from the company. Which means that each session that I attend will be EXPENSIVE. I can think of better ways to spend the money.

What to do? What to do? I have until next week to decide.

Sticking to the plan

I really like kickboxing - which is why I am making a way in my schedule to go twice this week. I was supposed to go tonight...but then got called into a late meeting and then traffic. But I did get home in time (theoretically), but by the time I ate dinner it was 5 minutes until the class. Yeah, I live 15 minutes away from class.

So I'm putting a meeting in my schedule for Wednesday...a placeholder so that I can leave in time for kickboxing. The second kickboxing class will be on Saturday. I want to get to 2 weekday classes and a weekend class...but as Kepa so wisely reminded me - little steps.

Still doing the no meat/minimal dairy thing. Not only do I feel good, but my skin is clearer and I am getting more veggies/fruit/fiber. One watchout - I need to make sure that I eat enough to keep me sustained during the day. Since I haven't gone to kickboxing in the past few days, I haven't been as vigilant with making sure that I get enough of the right stuff.

Weight Watchers @ Work starts again next week. This time it's an 18 week program. Once again, if I attend 12 of the 18 meetings - the company will reimburse half of the fee. As the program is a good chunk of change, this is definitely an incentive. Of course, I need to make sure that I can attend 12 of the 18 meetings. See, my purpose at work is to actually work, so if I have meetings scheduled already, can't go to the meeting. On the other hand, I could attend "regular" meetings for the ones I miss and I would still get reimbursed.

I'll be honest, it is work. But it's worth it...because I'm worth it. The hardest part now is not the eating or the exercising, it's overcoming the hurdles that I put in place years ago. For example, now that I'm eating in a way that my body responds to positively - the "eat crap cuz you'll always be fat" reaction has been triggered. Last night I dug into a tub of ginger snaps from TJ's. Even when they made me nauseous, I continued to eat them. So I threw them out. The same thing happened with some Hint of Lime Tostitos.

Before, I would have just eaten all of the stuff and then felt bad - which would have led to more random eating. The exercise definitely quells some of that crap because I can work it out with the heavy bag. But I think that the biggest change for me has been spiritual. Definitely a lot more prayer and reflection. I also see/understand my worth. Plus it feels really good after a workout.

the week that was

yes, i know it's been a minute.

things on this end have been busy. i did make it to kickboxing twice (happy) and made healthy choices (happy).work was good but long and draining this week. i wanted to go kickboxing for a third time...but was beyond fatigued wednesday and worked late on thursday. pasa lo que pasa.


but more importantly i definitely feel better...even though i am really tired. went to the doctor about a week ago because the icky was back with a vengance. turns out it was a raging case of sinusitis. in addition to the meds, i temporarily went back to no meat, minimimal dairy and sugar. back in the day, when i was a vegetarian due to disordered eating. even though i was constantly tired, my skin was blech, and i was suffered injuries from overuse - i don't ever remember having lots of colds.

now that i'm in a better place with food, temporarily cutting out stuff to see if it helps my allergies/sinuses is not a dangerous proposition. for example - i went to a meeting and lunch was provided. sandwiches and a tossed salad. sandwich options - grilled chicken, tuna salad, curry chicken, turkey/cheese, ham/cheese, tomato/basil/mozarrella. and the salad was mixed greens, red grapes, pistachios, bleu cheese and vinaigrette. before, i would have complained out loud and made a big stink about what i don't eat. this time around - choose the tomato/basil/mozarrella sandwich, some salad and even had a brownie and small bag of potato chips (over the small bag of baby carrots). It was yummy and I didn't feel "guilty" or "bad", nor did I feel like I HAD to go to kickboxing to work it off.