Decision

I made a decision today to go off the plan. I'm doing a 5 week stint with Weight Watchers...starting the first week of January.

The price is good and my company will give me a 50% rebate if I attend 4 of the 5 meetings. In addition, I feel like I need some kind of structure to get the eating right.

Maybe it's part of growing up - accepting that sometimes doing the ish you need, but don't want, to do will help you get to where you want to be.

I'm going in with a positive attitude - this is as much an exercise of the mind as it is about losing weight. And I like to exercise (no joke, seriously I do...I just don't do it enough). So this is one step towards getting myself to the place where I can do the running and capoeira and soccer (and all sorts of other athletic stuff yet to discover)that I like to do.

Who knows? This may be really fun.

Meh

Yeah, so if you read the other blog, you know i'm still sick.

and have been sick for a minute now...

which means that the last trip to the gym two weeks ago was the last trip to the gym in two weeks. however, i have been making healthier choices at work for lunch. that has gone a long way to keeping my pants on the wearable side.

being sick and getting into the groove of work hasn't done much for the healthy eating outside of work. the first week, i did pretty well for breakfast but dinner was another story....

but there is a bright side!

i'm getting better. i'm not as sick as i was this morning. i've slept a lot today. i also took a brief walk and picked up some orange juice and chicken soup.

tomorrow i hit the airport for the journey to the nmf. talked with mommy today - when she heard i was sick, she thought i wasn't coming down. i'm sick...but not that sick. and besides, i'm getting better. :)

You can't be sick without the ick...

Yeah, and that's pretty much how i feel right now.

the weather was icky...so i got to leave work early. that was a good thing because it took about 1.5 hours to get home cuz of the rain and the sleet.

started to make some chicken soup...and almost burned up an empty pan (turned the wrong eye on). finally got that situation straightened out, however, i'm too bleh to wait up and strain the broth and all that jazz. so i turned it off and am giving it about 5 more minutes to cool before i throw it in the fridge.

so much change, so little time. methinks my body is telling me to chill.

Back in the mix

I've finally been able to take a breath. I'm all moved into my temporary digs. The past few weeks have been very good...and stressful. My skin, hair and body all started to rebel from the stress.


Today was my first workout in over a month...it felt so good. Since it's cold here in Jersey, I joined a gym. I walked to the gym and then got on the treadmill for 40 minutes and then did some ab work. However, this workout was different. In the past, I would have pushed myself to the breaking point so that I could get back on the weight loss band wagon quickly (1 hour of treadmill at a high incline/fast speed followed by 30 minutes of intense weights). Now, my focus was to alleviate stress and to get on the road to the place where I need to be so that I can play summer soccer.

I also found a Trader Joe's...which is one of my favorite grocery stores EVAH! I picked up some groceries (the anti-thesis of the junk food that I lived on during the move). Right before I moved, I discovered a snack mix of dried cranberries and shelled pistachios. So yummy. Pistachios are a good snack for stress relief and I'm sure dried cranberries are good for me...so double bonus. Anyway, I got a bag of shelled roasted pistachios and a bag of dried cranberries from TJ's and made my own mix. A lot less expensive than the stuff from the store.

An even cooler food discovery - there's a giganto supermarket that's got amazing offerings. I picked up some frozen patties...peppery hot. So good. I also got some Malta. When I lived in Ghana, I drank Malta like it was going out of style. One day I may graduate to Guinness, but for now Malta is fine.

It's Friday evening of a long week. I think a long hot bath is in order.

Empty Fridge

Tomorrow the movers are coming. My fridge is pretty near empty...a 3 eggs, 2 bottles of bissap, 3 cans of Sprite, a few carrot sticks. The freezer isn't far behind...1/4 bag frozen potatoes, 1/4 package of boca sausage. But it all goes in the trash tonight.

Which means I am now living completely on prepared food...not so bad. Ya gotta do what you gotta do so you can get to a place where you can do what you want.

The most important thing - the movers are coming tomorrow. What seemed like an abstract concept is now a friggin' reality.

Goodbye Frenemy...part 2

My scale is now in a better place - the Salvation Army.

I realized today that I have been depending on a scale to define my self worth since 1992. It led to years of diets (1000 calories a day + 2 hours of exercise a day...for a woman who was 5'10.25" and 245 lbs, cabbage soup diet, WW, and so many others), yet at my last weigh-in, I was 40 lbs heavier than when I first started dieting.

It really hit home when I was going through my computer files and came across a folder called "Me". Contents of the folder:
List of addresses for friends and family (used to mail invited to my grad school graduation)
Two separate weight trackers that I created
Four pictures of what I would look like at different weights ( created on my virtual model)
One size loss tracker
One list of diet tips
One food tracker

That was really telling, because I am so so much more than a weight loss program.

I realized that the only time I've ever been successful at weight loss was when I lived abroad. I was more interested in experiencing the adventure that I didn't worry about weight. I was extremely active because I liked it - not because I had to. Food choices were made based on hunger and taste, not calories. I lived an active, healthy life and listened to my body instead of telling it what to do.

Now that I'm moving on to a new life in the big city - I'm adopting a new attitude about this whole weight loss thing. No more diets. No more calorie counting. I have too many things to experience to be so controlled and consumed by weight loss.

I'm going to do the things that I enjoy (soccer, salsa dancing, running, weight lifting) because they make me feel good and they are fun. I really like being an athelete and I am good at it when I'm not focused on "I'm too fat to do this or that".

As far as food - my body is pretty smart. She likes to be fed high quality food that makes her feel better. She craves salads and nuts and lean meats...but she also enjoys chocolate and Oma's carrot cake. And you know what? It's okay if she eats both.

cmae once wrote in someone's comments "Be gentle with yourself". I love that - so no more
body bashing so that I make myself feel bad even when I rock that dress on a night out or those shoes at work.

So we'll see how it goes in this next year of living healthier, exercising for the fun of it, eating good food, not feeling guilty about eating good food and basically just loving and celebrating the skin that I'm in.

Goodbye Frenemy

The moving date is less than TWO WEEKS away. As I was packing up my bathroom, the scale went on the Salvation Army pile. It was empowering and sad at the same time.

Yeah...

Interesting thing going on...weight has not been the focus of my life for the past few weeks. As shown by the tightening of the jeans and the rising of the numbers on the scale. So now that things are a little calmer and I have two weeks before the move - I need to get some work done on this weight loss. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable with the weight gain.

Another adventure!

I've received (and accepted) a job offer and I'm relocating to the East Coast.

I love the East Coast. NYC, Philly,Boston,Jersey,Vermont... it's going to be most awesome.

Take it away, Stinky Wizzleteats:

Gettin' my shout on!

Soon I'll be on blogging hiatus as I'm begninning another most AWESOME adventure (more details to follow). For now, I just feel like getting my shout on!

Old School Fred Hammond


Not quite old school/not quite new school Kirk Franklin

Tales from the Scale: 1 lb gain

Today's weight: 301 lb
Body fat: 54.9% (165 lb)

Total Weight Change: +1 lb
Body Fat Change:+3 lb


Meh.
It is what it is.
Could've been better, could've been worse.
I don't like that the scale is up...but there's little that I did in the past week or so that would have produced alternate results. Not beating myself up, not patting myself on the back.

How did I do on my goal for just feeling better?
Meh.
It is what it is.
Could've been better, could've been worse.
I'm not turning to food to deal with emotions/situations. (Yay!) Now it's about incorporating more fruit/veggies/water/exercise.

Step by step.
Step by step.

On the Celebrity Plan

Somewhere, sometime, I read about Penelope Cruz' weight loss regimen - basically, she sleeps a lot (on the order of 16 hours). Maybe it was Scarlett Johnansen. Whatever.

Anyway, the reviewer of this wacky plan summed it up in a nutshell - "(insert celebrity here) doesn't gain weight cuz she doesn't have any time to eat...she's always sleeping" The reviewer then went on to say that this was an asinine weight loss gimmick. However, 8 hours of solid sleep is recommended as part of a healthy lifestyle.

Somehow, someway...I've ended up on the wacky celebrity plan. All I want to do is sleep. I went to bed at 11 PM and slept until 8:45 AM. I only woke up at 8:45 AM cuz my sister called. Back to sleep at 10 AM and up again at 11:30 (thanks to my sister calling again -she's at home because NMF#2 was sick today).

Right now I've racked up over 11 hours of sleep and I have no doubt that I'll make 16 hours easy.

Normally, I don't sleep like this. I'm not sure what's going on...I've been really tired for the past few days. But I've been forcing myself to stay up during the day. Today, I've decided to follow my body's cues and give it the sleep it needs.

Sweet Dreams :D

Hmm...

I've been travelling recently. That's thrown so many things out of synch - exercise, eating, water, sleep. Plus, travel has me fighting a bug.

I feel like I'm starting from scratch. Well, from beyond scratch because the last two days have been 100% take out/junk -Chinese, pizza, pretzels, popcorn, M&M's, scones.

I finally went to the grocery store today and picked up some soup, chopped spinach and soy crisps. I also have some lettuce, eggs and salsa in the fridge.

On the upside, I did get a walk in this morning...and I have been working out at the hotels. Plus tomorrow is Saturday, so I can visit the farmer's market and pick up some seasonal produce.

And it's back to the scale this week as well. Good thing I have some booty shaking music in my arsenal to help me get through the cooler weather...

Revelation

Yesterday, I realized that I am tall.

For the record: I'm 5 ft. 10.25 in. bare foot and 6' in dress shoes (i.e. work or church) and 6'1" - 6'2" in come hither heels.

This is an important revelation. In the back of my mind, I always knew I was tall, but I spent most of my time fixating on being fat. Wrap dresses never looked right because I'm fat, that belted (insert garment here) looks awkward on me just because I'm fat, the pants never break right because I'm fat.

However, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that being tall has something to do with a lot of stuff being less than flattering on me.

Let me explain....I bought a belted trench coat from Wal-Mart. It's a nice enough coat, but there's something about it that didn't quite work for me. Because I really needed the coat, I just sucked it up and bought it.

Last night, I was wearing dress shoes and the coat looked really good on me. I took the shoes off and the coat looked wierd. I put my hands on my waist and that's when I figured out what was going on...the belt was about 2 inches above my natural waist. When I put the dress shoes on, my waist was raised two inches...and the belt hit where it should.

This was such an amazing revelation...wrap dresses never looked right on me because the ones that I was wearing weren't made for my long torso...ditto for belted things. Pants didn't break right because...the inseam was too short! And all these years, I beat myself up for being too fat to wear these things.

But all is not lost...there are still several styles that I can wear out there. I just have to be more choiceful about what I buy.

The biggest victory? I'm embracing my height and will no longer beat myself up because clothes that weren't designed for my legs or torso don't fit me right. I'll just move on to what works for me.

Get By

One of my favorite songs is Talib Kweli's "Get By". It makes me feel better and it's great to work out too.
Smokin' and drinkin' are not the things that get me down...so I just insert whatever is nagging me into the chorus:

This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my highs, and my lows
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop ____________, and stop ___________
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get (by), just to get (by)
Just to get (by), just to get (by)

Weigh In

Weight loss has not necessarily been my first priority this past week and that has been a hard thing. Exercise has been non-existent, food has been erratic and I've been slightly dehydrated. However, sleep is good.

I felt guilty because I haven't been focusing on weight loss this week. Guilty because I'm not recording everything I eat. Guilty because I've not been eating the right things. Guilty for not exercising. That didn't make matters any better, it just added stress and anxiety.

Silver lining - I did have a revelation. The things I do for weight loss -have a bigger benefit. Eating balanced, drinking water, and getting exercise all contribute to a better quality of life. So that's what this week is about - better quality of life.

Right now I'm not in a place where I want to even deal with a scale. There are so many other things going on that the most important thing for me right now is to get back that better quality of life. Thefore, I've opted out of the weigh-in this week.

Patatas bravas y una mujer muy feliz

I went to Chicago earlier in the week. I love Chicago - one of the best cities in the world...great people, the L, summer festivals, Lake Michigan, great shopping, ethnic neighborhoods, art, theatre, music, dance, awesome nightlife, great old apartments/houses with amazing hardwood floors and architectural details, Grant Park....and the list goes on. For people who have never been, I describe it as New York, but with a lot less caffeine.

One of the huge draws to Chicago - FOOD. That place has some of the best food, from authentic elotes in La Villita or Rogers Park to high falutin cuisine (Charlie Trotter anyone?).

I heart Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba. It's a fun tapas place in Lincoln Park. I've never been to Spain so I can't vouch for the authenticity, but I will say that it's some damn good food. There's a dish called patatas bravas: a fried spicy potato served with an aioli. See how happy patatas bravas make me?

Back in the day, I cleared two plates by myself. However, on this trip, I made sensible choices and split one plate with my friend Monica. I'm not going to lie, it was hard not to clear the plate...but at the end of the day, I was more committed to my long term goals than to patatas bravas. And it was nice to leave Ba-Ba-Reeba feeling satiated and not sick from eating too much.

Weekly Weigh-In (Challenge week 1)

Weight: 298.6 lbs
Body Fat: 54% (161.2 lbs)

Total Change:
Weight: -0.6 lbs
Body Fat: -0.4 lbs


Both numbers are going in the right direction! Praise God! Going on a trip this week so there will be limited posting.

Plan for this week - continue to incorporate tweaks , continue to spiritual work (prayer, medititation, Bible reading), have fun and enjoy the journey.

The Challenge

I've joined the Tales from the Scales Challenge.


Why?

1. It works out perfectly with my OND goals - and I've added a weight component of losing 15 - 20 lbs.
2. Right now, I don't really feel connected in this journey.

Fat chick!

Last night, I came to the realization that by all charts and tables - I will forever be a fat chick. Even when I reach my goal weight, my BMI classification will be "overweight". You know what, I am totally okay with that. Why? The road that will take me from morbidly obese to overweight will make me fitter, stronger and even more fab than I already am!

Last night, I was perusing some fat blogs and ran across Kate Harding's Illustrated BMI project. It's a visual representation what underweight, normal, overweight, obese and morbidly obese looks like.

Check it out.

New attitude

This afternoon I wanted to run out to the area health food store and pick up some carob energy squares. As I was walking out to my car, my inner fit chick said "Why not walk? It's only about 8 or 9 blocks away. You don't have any pressing engagements. It's a gorgeous day. Why waste the gas when you can burn some fat?"

So I walked.

To the store and back.

And at such a pace that I was actually winded when I got back from the store. It was a workout.

I've walked this path before for morning exercise, but never for an errand.

It felt so good. Not just the walking, but making the choice to walk. I've been to that store umpteen times in good weather and it never occurred to me to walk.

Back on track

Unemployment came...and I got groceries. And I found boneless skinless chicken breast on sale for $1.99/lb - BONUS!

Also picked up:
- eggs
- apples (also on sale and first of the season from Michigan)
- fresh mushrooms, sliced
- red onion
- frozen broccoli
- frozen spinach
- frozen blueberries
- one head of cauliflower
- turkey breakfast sausage
- multi-grain pasta
- lower fat cheese
- black beans
- pizza (one frozen)
- turkey pepperoni
- purple potatoes
- Wasa crisps
- Non fat soy milk
- Non fat yogurt (individual portions)

On the exercise front, I had no idea that a short Tae Bo workout would have such a big impact. I feel muscles that I didn't realize I had...not soreness, I just recognize their presence. I'm so tired today, partly from the calorie deficit from the past coupla days/partly from getting up at 6:30 AM. Think I'll take a nap and so some more Tae Bo this evening.

Just a little blip

As I am temporarily unemployed, I buy groceries for a week at a time as a way to minimize costs and to be nimble. I would hate to have to move on a full fridge...just a waste of food. This week has lasted a little longer than my rations. The unemployment site was down on Sunday so I had to file on Monday. Normally I would have gotten paid today...but I guess there was some kind of backlog because I won't get paid until tomorrow.

So yesterday and today has been kinda lean eating. Granted I am not starving...I'm just eating a less food and less balanced. I didn't exercise yesterday either. Today I plan to Tae Bo it out...or maybe take a walk because the heat wave has finally broken and it's going to be GORGEOUS all day long.

No worries - God has gotten me through rougher patches than this.
On the upside
- things are looking great on the job front
- I received a check yesterday from a credit card company. It was a refund for overpayment. Translation: I've paid down one of my credit cards! I didn't even realize that I had paid this one off...I thought I had at least $100 left. Since my bank isn't in this state and I'm not going to patronize predatory check cashing places, I'll mail in the deposit today.
- last night I got to see the VH1 Hip Hop Honors...and they were honoring one of my favorite groups of all times: A Tribe Called Quest. As a plus...Common, one of the sexiest mofos performed Tribe songs....AND Tribe ripped it with the closing performance. As an added bonus - Whodini was honored and they performed. Whodini was the first rap group I saw in concert. In fact, it was my first real concert. Made even better because Daddy took us and we had backstage passes...(read more here)

So instead of focusing on the lack of healthy food choices, or lack of money, or being fat or any of the other random negative things I could think about today, I am focusing on God's benevolence in all situations.

Get the F#$! outta here!

Today, I ran across this:

Sexy skeleton? You wish...this ish is called Anna Rexia.





Who in their right mind would dress up as Anorexia for Halloween? Much less a whore named Anna Rexia? I went to the site to double check...sure enough, there it was on sale for $42.95.

And yes...that is a tape measure around her waist.

I'm too tired for righteous indignation right now...so all i have to say is

Get the F#$! outta here!

Flashback

Last night, I had a flashback to one of my less than stellar moments. When I was in elementary, I attended a rather racist/small minded school. The student body (lower, middle, and upperschool) was about 300 and for many years the population of brown skinned folks was no greater than 4...me, some upper school kid, Kashul and her brother (they were from India). Not only was I just one drop of diversity, I was also taller, larger and smarter than my classmates. No matter what I did, I always stood out...and instead this being a positive thing, it was a negative thing.

When we were at recess, I always played "The Monster" in chase. The one day I sat down and refused, the other kids got mad at me. "You have to be the monster. You're the biggest one in the class and you're black".

Help from the teachers? Ha! For extra credit, the PE teacher asked us to write down a joke. A girl in my class wrote the following:
"How do you keep niggers from jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling!"

Not only did the girl receive full extra credit for the joke, the teacher dismissed my complaint with a "Why don't you see that as funny", I had to take it as far as the school principal. When the teacher was called to the carpet by the principal and my parents...she became weepy and regretted the joke going through. The lesson - using nigger was wrong, but humiliating me in other ways was fine.

Shortly after that incident, we had weigh-ins in class. At the time, I was 5'6". I weighed in at 135 lbs, had begun my period and was in a B-cup...perfectly fine weight for someone of my height and build. But I was in a class of kids who had barely crested 4'0" and 70 lbs. The teacher used this time to berate me in front of everyone for being fat. She warned the other girls not to be like me and told me that I needed to lose weight.

It was a sad, sad, sad time.

How did I deal with it? I stole food from other people's lunches and then acted surprised to find that "Mommy packed" extra puddings, twinkies, cookies. I also used allowance and other monies to buy corndogs, fries, grilled cheese sandwiches and ice creams at lunch - in addition to the lunch I bought from home.

My parents were so perplexed. My father once said "I'm worried about you. I don't understand why you're gaining so much weight. You don't eat that much at home." I wanted so badly what hell that school was, but I knew that he was working so hard to raise the money so that I could go to a good private school. I felt like I would be letting him down if I told him about the pain that I went through every day. So, like a good fat girl, I just stuffed my emotions to the bottom of my soul and just smiled. That day, not only did I steal junk from people's lunch, I stole a bologna sandwich. I also bought three corn dogs and 2 ice cream sandwiches. It was so off the chain that my teacher called FINALLY called home and told my parents that I was stealing food from other kids (it had been going on for years....the teachers knew, they just figured since I was Black, my family was too poor to feed me).

Did that get me out of the school? Not hardly. I had to fail all my classes in fifth grade before my parents pulled me out and put me in some place that was much better for me - a public school for smart kids. I could have been going there all along! It was fab...there were all kinds of kids from all kinds of backgrounds. I was still the largest and the tallest and the smartest - but it was a little easier. I never fully recovered from the experience at the first school and that impacted me all the way through college. Never felt good enough to be accpeted for me, hated being fat, hated standing out for anything, didn't trust that anyone liked me for me. How did I deal with it? I ate and ate and ate and refused to exercies. I was also in orchestra, lead in the school plays, president of several organizations - it was all a front to cover up my insecurity.

Man, that was a horrible time. It was also the birth of my wicked relationship with food and body image. I was only 6 when all of this started....and 33 when it stopped.

27 years.

Tale of the scale

Current weight:

301.0 lbs / 53.6% bodyfat (161.3 lbs)

Previous weight:

298.6 lbs / 54.6% body fat (161.8 lbs)

Yeah...the idea is for both numbers to go down. I'm not discouraged...I've already decided to make some changes and those will start pushing both numbers down.

I'm not happy with being over 30o lbs...which means that I really need to stick to my plan.

Tweaks

Yesterday, I went into my closet and saw that I had forgotten to pack my red dress. It's a cute sleeveless drape necked sheath I purchased from Kiyonna when I was in school. At the time I bought it, it almost fit. It's an 18/20 and is the measure for the OND goal. Unfortunately, Kiyonna doesn't make this style anymore.

Seeing that dress made me realize that I've been taking in too many calories and not burning off enough through exercise. In the past week, I averaged 2,133 kcal/day with minimal cardio and no strength. I don't think that's going to get me to my goals in time.

Now that I've tracked my baseline, I am making some tweaks to my eating and exercising. I have access to a variety of classes via exercise on demand as well as Tae Bo and Pilates DVDs. So I am adding two aerobic sessions and one strength session to the mix this week.

As far as intake - definitely need to add more water and fruits/veggies. For the most part, I'm eating the right stuff, just need to eat less of it (Translation: Portion control). Target daily intake: 1,800 kcal.

Emotionally, I'm in a good place. Last week was really rough as temporary unemployment was starting to get to me. However, some crying and praying helped and I felt much better by Friday. Which was a good thing because I had 2 interviews that day! I know that exercising also helps keep me in a good place (double bonus).

Last but not least, I've decided to add bi-weekly weigh-ins to track fat loss. The first will be tomorrow...and I'll update it every other Sunday - when possible. I know that when I move to the new city and start the new job, the schedule will change some. I'm actually looking forward to what the new life brings...until then, I'll keep doing my thing here.

Impromptu situation (updated)

This afternoon I was forced out of my apartment by the noxious fumes from downstairs. The neighbors moved out the the landlord is having the floors redone. Instead of using fans to ventilate the place, the floor guys sealed the apartment tight and turned on the AC. I had been doing some prep work for tomorrow's interviews when I felt like I was going to pass out...so I found a movie at the local theatre.

Since I didn't plan for this, I didn't plan for the food. The movie started at 4 and ended around 6:30 PM...and I needed to eat.

What to do? What to do?

I ended up getting a soft pretzel, unsalted and a side of chemical cheese. Since I've been eating mostly unprocessed food lately, the chemical cheese turned my tongue. I couldn't even eat it...and I used to LOVE chemical cheese. The pretzel was okay. When I got home and entered it into Fit Day, I realized it was a meal in and of itself. Pre-movies, I was around 1,500 calories...post movies - 1,900. I'm shooting for 1,700 - 1,800 a day.

But, here's another small victory - I'm not beating myself up for going over my target limit. I made a good decision given the circumstances and the rest of the day I ate well. So tomorrow's another day...and another step towards reaching my goals.

Update - I was still really hungry so I had a sandwich...this put me to 2,200 kcal

Phases of Exercise

found on comics.com

It's the little things

I'm happy for the small victories. Small victories combine to win big battles and big battles combine to win the war.

This morning, I put on my jeans and they weren't tight. In the past, I had to break-in fresh washed jeans. This time - not so much. They fit right straight from the hanger. Plus, this morning I broke the 300 barrier and am down to 298.6. I've been eating better for a week and exercising for almost that long...and it's starting to pay off.

Breaking the barrier was good...however, for the first time in awhile, I noticed my body fat measurement. Currently it's 54% (GASP, SHOCK, MOAN). Well, there goes the notion that I'm just "big-boned" (LOL!)

I'm adding it to the official goal list.

Current 54%
Target: 25 - 27%

Fun with Food

This morning I decided to have french toast for breakfast. Not the calorie and fat laden french toast, but a lighter healthier version.

Since I just KNEW the french toast was going to be so diet friendly, I splurged and had 3 pieces of turkey sausage.

Here's the french toast recipe:
2 pieces high fiber whole wheat bread
1 egg
1 egg white
~1/8 cup fat free soy milk
splenda and cinnamon to taste

I used one tablespoon of Polaner all fruit in place of syrup.


Where did the french toast and fruit spread net out?

Total calories: 361 kcal
Total fat: 7 g (sat fat 2 g)
Total carbohydrates: 57 g
Total fiber: 8 g
Total protein: 23 g

The sausage added an additional 120 kcal, 7 g fat and 6 g protein.

At the end of the day, that's a little more than I wanted to eat for breakfast. Instead of having a sandwich for lunch, I'll do a salad.

The big takeaway for me is to think before I eat...not just about the current morsel, but how it will work with the rest of the day. I have diet/exercise tracking software on my computer, I need to be a little more diligent with using it in the prepping stage...not AFTER I've eaten.

OND Goals

Today is October 1st...the beginning of OND.

OND Goals

Clothing Size < 20W
5 hours of cardio a week
3 hours of strength training a week

Exercise

Found this today courtesy of comics.com....it's too true.

Happy to report that I did exercise this morning...not only a good walk, but some ab work as well.

hater chick is an effin' pain in the ass

This morning I went for a walk. It's a gorgeous day - very sunny and extremely cool. While I was enjoying the weather, I started thinking about my "before" pictures.

2 of the 3 are from a friend's wedding. When I was there, people kept telling me how nice I looked. However, when I look at the pictures, I never really saw that. All I saw was a fat chick amongst her normal size friends.

Last night, I took another look at this picture. The weirdest thing happened - I thought I looked good. Then my inner critic, aka hater chick, started "Are you kidding me? You look pregnant. And those stretch marks...look at CJ - her arms are out and you don't see all that wobble. Don't even get me started on the saggy titties."

The weird thing isn't that I thought I looked good and then hater chick pissed in the Cheerios. The weird thing was that I heard hater chick loud and clear and told her to shut the eff up. I've been working really hard on the emotional end of making over my body and I guess it's starting to pay off. I know now that I will never be successful as long as I continue to let hater chick rule my self image.

In the past, I've always panicked when I got below 290...I would freak out and then do things to sabotage my weight loss process. As hindsight is 20/20, I now know that it was a hater chick thing.

When I was at my lowest adult weight (225 lbs) and size (Women's 14) - hater chick was there making me miserable. She convinced me that it was a fluke and that I was still fat and ugly. The result - instead of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and enjoying my body...I punished it with a 1,000 cal/day diet (no more than 10 g of fat) and daily hour long cardio workouts. I ended up at 247 lbs and with a serious knee injury that put me out of comission for 6 months. By the time I could exercise again, I was up to a Women's Size 24 and I haven't moved far from that since.

So when I would drop below 290 - hater chick would put this little bug in my ear "Remember when you were skinny...remember what it took to get that small and stay that small? Remember how you hurt yourself? And what was the result - you got fat again. Why are you even trying to lose weight? It's just going to happen again. You had it. You lost it. You don't deserve it."

Now it's a different story.

Before, hater chick just lurked in the background as the unseen power player. Because I've put her on blast, she is beginning to lose her power. And that's a good thing because I don't have time to deal with her ish anymore. Since I'm truly sick and tired of being sick and tired of being fat/not loving myself/yadda yadda yadda - I realize that hater chick is nothing more than an effin' pain in the ass.

Take 2

The Makeover Chronicles lives!

What's been going on weight wise?

* I was working my way down to the 280s when I got the flu and since then, I've been hovering around the 300 mark.

Why did I revive The Makeover Chronicles?

* Cuz I read a posting by Pasta Queen which caused me to think about a lot of ish. Then I read a posting by Lorrie and that reminded me of why I was doing this in the first place. Besides, I was much more successful with my efforts when I was blogging.

What's to come?

*Time will tell, time will tell

New things this go around?

* I got around to setting up a flickr account and have posted some pictures with comments.