Gettin' my shout on!

Soon I'll be on blogging hiatus as I'm begninning another most AWESOME adventure (more details to follow). For now, I just feel like getting my shout on!

Old School Fred Hammond


Not quite old school/not quite new school Kirk Franklin

Tales from the Scale: 1 lb gain

Today's weight: 301 lb
Body fat: 54.9% (165 lb)

Total Weight Change: +1 lb
Body Fat Change:+3 lb


Meh.
It is what it is.
Could've been better, could've been worse.
I don't like that the scale is up...but there's little that I did in the past week or so that would have produced alternate results. Not beating myself up, not patting myself on the back.

How did I do on my goal for just feeling better?
Meh.
It is what it is.
Could've been better, could've been worse.
I'm not turning to food to deal with emotions/situations. (Yay!) Now it's about incorporating more fruit/veggies/water/exercise.

Step by step.
Step by step.

On the Celebrity Plan

Somewhere, sometime, I read about Penelope Cruz' weight loss regimen - basically, she sleeps a lot (on the order of 16 hours). Maybe it was Scarlett Johnansen. Whatever.

Anyway, the reviewer of this wacky plan summed it up in a nutshell - "(insert celebrity here) doesn't gain weight cuz she doesn't have any time to eat...she's always sleeping" The reviewer then went on to say that this was an asinine weight loss gimmick. However, 8 hours of solid sleep is recommended as part of a healthy lifestyle.

Somehow, someway...I've ended up on the wacky celebrity plan. All I want to do is sleep. I went to bed at 11 PM and slept until 8:45 AM. I only woke up at 8:45 AM cuz my sister called. Back to sleep at 10 AM and up again at 11:30 (thanks to my sister calling again -she's at home because NMF#2 was sick today).

Right now I've racked up over 11 hours of sleep and I have no doubt that I'll make 16 hours easy.

Normally, I don't sleep like this. I'm not sure what's going on...I've been really tired for the past few days. But I've been forcing myself to stay up during the day. Today, I've decided to follow my body's cues and give it the sleep it needs.

Sweet Dreams :D

Hmm...

I've been travelling recently. That's thrown so many things out of synch - exercise, eating, water, sleep. Plus, travel has me fighting a bug.

I feel like I'm starting from scratch. Well, from beyond scratch because the last two days have been 100% take out/junk -Chinese, pizza, pretzels, popcorn, M&M's, scones.

I finally went to the grocery store today and picked up some soup, chopped spinach and soy crisps. I also have some lettuce, eggs and salsa in the fridge.

On the upside, I did get a walk in this morning...and I have been working out at the hotels. Plus tomorrow is Saturday, so I can visit the farmer's market and pick up some seasonal produce.

And it's back to the scale this week as well. Good thing I have some booty shaking music in my arsenal to help me get through the cooler weather...

Revelation

Yesterday, I realized that I am tall.

For the record: I'm 5 ft. 10.25 in. bare foot and 6' in dress shoes (i.e. work or church) and 6'1" - 6'2" in come hither heels.

This is an important revelation. In the back of my mind, I always knew I was tall, but I spent most of my time fixating on being fat. Wrap dresses never looked right because I'm fat, that belted (insert garment here) looks awkward on me just because I'm fat, the pants never break right because I'm fat.

However, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that being tall has something to do with a lot of stuff being less than flattering on me.

Let me explain....I bought a belted trench coat from Wal-Mart. It's a nice enough coat, but there's something about it that didn't quite work for me. Because I really needed the coat, I just sucked it up and bought it.

Last night, I was wearing dress shoes and the coat looked really good on me. I took the shoes off and the coat looked wierd. I put my hands on my waist and that's when I figured out what was going on...the belt was about 2 inches above my natural waist. When I put the dress shoes on, my waist was raised two inches...and the belt hit where it should.

This was such an amazing revelation...wrap dresses never looked right on me because the ones that I was wearing weren't made for my long torso...ditto for belted things. Pants didn't break right because...the inseam was too short! And all these years, I beat myself up for being too fat to wear these things.

But all is not lost...there are still several styles that I can wear out there. I just have to be more choiceful about what I buy.

The biggest victory? I'm embracing my height and will no longer beat myself up because clothes that weren't designed for my legs or torso don't fit me right. I'll just move on to what works for me.

Get By

One of my favorite songs is Talib Kweli's "Get By". It makes me feel better and it's great to work out too.
Smokin' and drinkin' are not the things that get me down...so I just insert whatever is nagging me into the chorus:

This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my highs, and my lows
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop ____________, and stop ___________
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get (by), just to get (by)
Just to get (by), just to get (by)

Weigh In

Weight loss has not necessarily been my first priority this past week and that has been a hard thing. Exercise has been non-existent, food has been erratic and I've been slightly dehydrated. However, sleep is good.

I felt guilty because I haven't been focusing on weight loss this week. Guilty because I'm not recording everything I eat. Guilty because I've not been eating the right things. Guilty for not exercising. That didn't make matters any better, it just added stress and anxiety.

Silver lining - I did have a revelation. The things I do for weight loss -have a bigger benefit. Eating balanced, drinking water, and getting exercise all contribute to a better quality of life. So that's what this week is about - better quality of life.

Right now I'm not in a place where I want to even deal with a scale. There are so many other things going on that the most important thing for me right now is to get back that better quality of life. Thefore, I've opted out of the weigh-in this week.

Patatas bravas y una mujer muy feliz

I went to Chicago earlier in the week. I love Chicago - one of the best cities in the world...great people, the L, summer festivals, Lake Michigan, great shopping, ethnic neighborhoods, art, theatre, music, dance, awesome nightlife, great old apartments/houses with amazing hardwood floors and architectural details, Grant Park....and the list goes on. For people who have never been, I describe it as New York, but with a lot less caffeine.

One of the huge draws to Chicago - FOOD. That place has some of the best food, from authentic elotes in La Villita or Rogers Park to high falutin cuisine (Charlie Trotter anyone?).

I heart Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba. It's a fun tapas place in Lincoln Park. I've never been to Spain so I can't vouch for the authenticity, but I will say that it's some damn good food. There's a dish called patatas bravas: a fried spicy potato served with an aioli. See how happy patatas bravas make me?

Back in the day, I cleared two plates by myself. However, on this trip, I made sensible choices and split one plate with my friend Monica. I'm not going to lie, it was hard not to clear the plate...but at the end of the day, I was more committed to my long term goals than to patatas bravas. And it was nice to leave Ba-Ba-Reeba feeling satiated and not sick from eating too much.

Weekly Weigh-In (Challenge week 1)

Weight: 298.6 lbs
Body Fat: 54% (161.2 lbs)

Total Change:
Weight: -0.6 lbs
Body Fat: -0.4 lbs


Both numbers are going in the right direction! Praise God! Going on a trip this week so there will be limited posting.

Plan for this week - continue to incorporate tweaks , continue to spiritual work (prayer, medititation, Bible reading), have fun and enjoy the journey.

The Challenge

I've joined the Tales from the Scales Challenge.


Why?

1. It works out perfectly with my OND goals - and I've added a weight component of losing 15 - 20 lbs.
2. Right now, I don't really feel connected in this journey.

Fat chick!

Last night, I came to the realization that by all charts and tables - I will forever be a fat chick. Even when I reach my goal weight, my BMI classification will be "overweight". You know what, I am totally okay with that. Why? The road that will take me from morbidly obese to overweight will make me fitter, stronger and even more fab than I already am!

Last night, I was perusing some fat blogs and ran across Kate Harding's Illustrated BMI project. It's a visual representation what underweight, normal, overweight, obese and morbidly obese looks like.

Check it out.

New attitude

This afternoon I wanted to run out to the area health food store and pick up some carob energy squares. As I was walking out to my car, my inner fit chick said "Why not walk? It's only about 8 or 9 blocks away. You don't have any pressing engagements. It's a gorgeous day. Why waste the gas when you can burn some fat?"

So I walked.

To the store and back.

And at such a pace that I was actually winded when I got back from the store. It was a workout.

I've walked this path before for morning exercise, but never for an errand.

It felt so good. Not just the walking, but making the choice to walk. I've been to that store umpteen times in good weather and it never occurred to me to walk.

Back on track

Unemployment came...and I got groceries. And I found boneless skinless chicken breast on sale for $1.99/lb - BONUS!

Also picked up:
- eggs
- apples (also on sale and first of the season from Michigan)
- fresh mushrooms, sliced
- red onion
- frozen broccoli
- frozen spinach
- frozen blueberries
- one head of cauliflower
- turkey breakfast sausage
- multi-grain pasta
- lower fat cheese
- black beans
- pizza (one frozen)
- turkey pepperoni
- purple potatoes
- Wasa crisps
- Non fat soy milk
- Non fat yogurt (individual portions)

On the exercise front, I had no idea that a short Tae Bo workout would have such a big impact. I feel muscles that I didn't realize I had...not soreness, I just recognize their presence. I'm so tired today, partly from the calorie deficit from the past coupla days/partly from getting up at 6:30 AM. Think I'll take a nap and so some more Tae Bo this evening.

Just a little blip

As I am temporarily unemployed, I buy groceries for a week at a time as a way to minimize costs and to be nimble. I would hate to have to move on a full fridge...just a waste of food. This week has lasted a little longer than my rations. The unemployment site was down on Sunday so I had to file on Monday. Normally I would have gotten paid today...but I guess there was some kind of backlog because I won't get paid until tomorrow.

So yesterday and today has been kinda lean eating. Granted I am not starving...I'm just eating a less food and less balanced. I didn't exercise yesterday either. Today I plan to Tae Bo it out...or maybe take a walk because the heat wave has finally broken and it's going to be GORGEOUS all day long.

No worries - God has gotten me through rougher patches than this.
On the upside
- things are looking great on the job front
- I received a check yesterday from a credit card company. It was a refund for overpayment. Translation: I've paid down one of my credit cards! I didn't even realize that I had paid this one off...I thought I had at least $100 left. Since my bank isn't in this state and I'm not going to patronize predatory check cashing places, I'll mail in the deposit today.
- last night I got to see the VH1 Hip Hop Honors...and they were honoring one of my favorite groups of all times: A Tribe Called Quest. As a plus...Common, one of the sexiest mofos performed Tribe songs....AND Tribe ripped it with the closing performance. As an added bonus - Whodini was honored and they performed. Whodini was the first rap group I saw in concert. In fact, it was my first real concert. Made even better because Daddy took us and we had backstage passes...(read more here)

So instead of focusing on the lack of healthy food choices, or lack of money, or being fat or any of the other random negative things I could think about today, I am focusing on God's benevolence in all situations.

Get the F#$! outta here!

Today, I ran across this:

Sexy skeleton? You wish...this ish is called Anna Rexia.





Who in their right mind would dress up as Anorexia for Halloween? Much less a whore named Anna Rexia? I went to the site to double check...sure enough, there it was on sale for $42.95.

And yes...that is a tape measure around her waist.

I'm too tired for righteous indignation right now...so all i have to say is

Get the F#$! outta here!

Flashback

Last night, I had a flashback to one of my less than stellar moments. When I was in elementary, I attended a rather racist/small minded school. The student body (lower, middle, and upperschool) was about 300 and for many years the population of brown skinned folks was no greater than 4...me, some upper school kid, Kashul and her brother (they were from India). Not only was I just one drop of diversity, I was also taller, larger and smarter than my classmates. No matter what I did, I always stood out...and instead this being a positive thing, it was a negative thing.

When we were at recess, I always played "The Monster" in chase. The one day I sat down and refused, the other kids got mad at me. "You have to be the monster. You're the biggest one in the class and you're black".

Help from the teachers? Ha! For extra credit, the PE teacher asked us to write down a joke. A girl in my class wrote the following:
"How do you keep niggers from jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling!"

Not only did the girl receive full extra credit for the joke, the teacher dismissed my complaint with a "Why don't you see that as funny", I had to take it as far as the school principal. When the teacher was called to the carpet by the principal and my parents...she became weepy and regretted the joke going through. The lesson - using nigger was wrong, but humiliating me in other ways was fine.

Shortly after that incident, we had weigh-ins in class. At the time, I was 5'6". I weighed in at 135 lbs, had begun my period and was in a B-cup...perfectly fine weight for someone of my height and build. But I was in a class of kids who had barely crested 4'0" and 70 lbs. The teacher used this time to berate me in front of everyone for being fat. She warned the other girls not to be like me and told me that I needed to lose weight.

It was a sad, sad, sad time.

How did I deal with it? I stole food from other people's lunches and then acted surprised to find that "Mommy packed" extra puddings, twinkies, cookies. I also used allowance and other monies to buy corndogs, fries, grilled cheese sandwiches and ice creams at lunch - in addition to the lunch I bought from home.

My parents were so perplexed. My father once said "I'm worried about you. I don't understand why you're gaining so much weight. You don't eat that much at home." I wanted so badly what hell that school was, but I knew that he was working so hard to raise the money so that I could go to a good private school. I felt like I would be letting him down if I told him about the pain that I went through every day. So, like a good fat girl, I just stuffed my emotions to the bottom of my soul and just smiled. That day, not only did I steal junk from people's lunch, I stole a bologna sandwich. I also bought three corn dogs and 2 ice cream sandwiches. It was so off the chain that my teacher called FINALLY called home and told my parents that I was stealing food from other kids (it had been going on for years....the teachers knew, they just figured since I was Black, my family was too poor to feed me).

Did that get me out of the school? Not hardly. I had to fail all my classes in fifth grade before my parents pulled me out and put me in some place that was much better for me - a public school for smart kids. I could have been going there all along! It was fab...there were all kinds of kids from all kinds of backgrounds. I was still the largest and the tallest and the smartest - but it was a little easier. I never fully recovered from the experience at the first school and that impacted me all the way through college. Never felt good enough to be accpeted for me, hated being fat, hated standing out for anything, didn't trust that anyone liked me for me. How did I deal with it? I ate and ate and ate and refused to exercies. I was also in orchestra, lead in the school plays, president of several organizations - it was all a front to cover up my insecurity.

Man, that was a horrible time. It was also the birth of my wicked relationship with food and body image. I was only 6 when all of this started....and 33 when it stopped.

27 years.

Tale of the scale

Current weight:

301.0 lbs / 53.6% bodyfat (161.3 lbs)

Previous weight:

298.6 lbs / 54.6% body fat (161.8 lbs)

Yeah...the idea is for both numbers to go down. I'm not discouraged...I've already decided to make some changes and those will start pushing both numbers down.

I'm not happy with being over 30o lbs...which means that I really need to stick to my plan.

Tweaks

Yesterday, I went into my closet and saw that I had forgotten to pack my red dress. It's a cute sleeveless drape necked sheath I purchased from Kiyonna when I was in school. At the time I bought it, it almost fit. It's an 18/20 and is the measure for the OND goal. Unfortunately, Kiyonna doesn't make this style anymore.

Seeing that dress made me realize that I've been taking in too many calories and not burning off enough through exercise. In the past week, I averaged 2,133 kcal/day with minimal cardio and no strength. I don't think that's going to get me to my goals in time.

Now that I've tracked my baseline, I am making some tweaks to my eating and exercising. I have access to a variety of classes via exercise on demand as well as Tae Bo and Pilates DVDs. So I am adding two aerobic sessions and one strength session to the mix this week.

As far as intake - definitely need to add more water and fruits/veggies. For the most part, I'm eating the right stuff, just need to eat less of it (Translation: Portion control). Target daily intake: 1,800 kcal.

Emotionally, I'm in a good place. Last week was really rough as temporary unemployment was starting to get to me. However, some crying and praying helped and I felt much better by Friday. Which was a good thing because I had 2 interviews that day! I know that exercising also helps keep me in a good place (double bonus).

Last but not least, I've decided to add bi-weekly weigh-ins to track fat loss. The first will be tomorrow...and I'll update it every other Sunday - when possible. I know that when I move to the new city and start the new job, the schedule will change some. I'm actually looking forward to what the new life brings...until then, I'll keep doing my thing here.

Impromptu situation (updated)

This afternoon I was forced out of my apartment by the noxious fumes from downstairs. The neighbors moved out the the landlord is having the floors redone. Instead of using fans to ventilate the place, the floor guys sealed the apartment tight and turned on the AC. I had been doing some prep work for tomorrow's interviews when I felt like I was going to pass out...so I found a movie at the local theatre.

Since I didn't plan for this, I didn't plan for the food. The movie started at 4 and ended around 6:30 PM...and I needed to eat.

What to do? What to do?

I ended up getting a soft pretzel, unsalted and a side of chemical cheese. Since I've been eating mostly unprocessed food lately, the chemical cheese turned my tongue. I couldn't even eat it...and I used to LOVE chemical cheese. The pretzel was okay. When I got home and entered it into Fit Day, I realized it was a meal in and of itself. Pre-movies, I was around 1,500 calories...post movies - 1,900. I'm shooting for 1,700 - 1,800 a day.

But, here's another small victory - I'm not beating myself up for going over my target limit. I made a good decision given the circumstances and the rest of the day I ate well. So tomorrow's another day...and another step towards reaching my goals.

Update - I was still really hungry so I had a sandwich...this put me to 2,200 kcal

Phases of Exercise

found on comics.com

It's the little things

I'm happy for the small victories. Small victories combine to win big battles and big battles combine to win the war.

This morning, I put on my jeans and they weren't tight. In the past, I had to break-in fresh washed jeans. This time - not so much. They fit right straight from the hanger. Plus, this morning I broke the 300 barrier and am down to 298.6. I've been eating better for a week and exercising for almost that long...and it's starting to pay off.

Breaking the barrier was good...however, for the first time in awhile, I noticed my body fat measurement. Currently it's 54% (GASP, SHOCK, MOAN). Well, there goes the notion that I'm just "big-boned" (LOL!)

I'm adding it to the official goal list.

Current 54%
Target: 25 - 27%

Fun with Food

This morning I decided to have french toast for breakfast. Not the calorie and fat laden french toast, but a lighter healthier version.

Since I just KNEW the french toast was going to be so diet friendly, I splurged and had 3 pieces of turkey sausage.

Here's the french toast recipe:
2 pieces high fiber whole wheat bread
1 egg
1 egg white
~1/8 cup fat free soy milk
splenda and cinnamon to taste

I used one tablespoon of Polaner all fruit in place of syrup.


Where did the french toast and fruit spread net out?

Total calories: 361 kcal
Total fat: 7 g (sat fat 2 g)
Total carbohydrates: 57 g
Total fiber: 8 g
Total protein: 23 g

The sausage added an additional 120 kcal, 7 g fat and 6 g protein.

At the end of the day, that's a little more than I wanted to eat for breakfast. Instead of having a sandwich for lunch, I'll do a salad.

The big takeaway for me is to think before I eat...not just about the current morsel, but how it will work with the rest of the day. I have diet/exercise tracking software on my computer, I need to be a little more diligent with using it in the prepping stage...not AFTER I've eaten.

OND Goals

Today is October 1st...the beginning of OND.

OND Goals

Clothing Size < 20W
5 hours of cardio a week
3 hours of strength training a week

Exercise

Found this today courtesy of comics.com....it's too true.

Happy to report that I did exercise this morning...not only a good walk, but some ab work as well.