How not to be fat

Yeah, that's something that I have to learn. I've been "fat" for as long as I can remember. Truth be told, I wasn't fat when I was young...I was a healthy weight for a tall girl. However, my world view was based on underweight short girls. And by 13, I decided that that's what I was - fat forever.

I remember going shopping with my mother and she picked something up a large- which would have fit me. And I started crying about how small it was and how I was too fat to fit into it. And when I was about the same age, I went to Speigel's and tried on some clothes - size 22W (I was a 16 Misses). I laughed as I put them on and said "Yeah, this will be my size when I grow up".

I guess that explains why the second week of successful diets are the hardest. It's not the fight against the diet. It's the fight against the "fat forever"...and the fight against "fat forever" leads to a not pretty place.

Fortunately, I have to get through this to get through this. Meaning that I have to look that little 13 year old square in the eye and give her a big hug and send her to a happy place. No more fat forever. Yes, I know that will leave a gaping hole in my identity...but now I'll be able to fill it with the kind of person that I've always imagined myself to be.